Fun on the Farm

WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!! My weekends are now FREE!!!!!!! We had a really good weekend too. Saturday we played golf with Grams (Wills Mom and her boyfriend Greg).....and, not to brag, but whooped their butts!!!!

Sunday we went to visit Will's dad up in Mocksville. They have a beautiful farm. Haley got to see all kinds of new things. Lots and lots of different "buhs" (thats what she calls dogs right now). She also saw some horses, she wasn't quite sure what to think of those, and some calves. They also have some donkeys, but we didn't go see those. Here are a few pictures of Haley in her backpack that Will carries her in.

I just had to add this picture, it is priceless!!!! She was playing in the floor and kept reaching over to pick up her toys and kept showing her little crack....too cute!!!!

Week 2 of Physical Therapy

We had our second appointment with PT yesterday. It was not the greatest visit for Haley, she was a little out of sorts and I don't think she was really in the mood to work. We spent most of the visit trying to console her, she was not a happy camper. It is to be expected I guess, having her in a new environment, with a strange person and toys that aren't hers. She did meet one of her goals already, which is reassuring. She was able to consistently come to a sitting position while holding onto our fingers. It is strange that such simple things to us are such huge milestones in little ones. The PT wants to refer her to a pediatric neurologist because of some head "tics" that she has. She shakes her head back and forth for no apparent reason. Haley has done this "tic" for a long time and we have never thought much of it. It would come and go, but ever since the PT pointed it out to me last week, it really stands out to me now. Most people think that she is shaking her head "no" but now that I watch it closely, I really don't think that is what it is.

We also had a home visit from the child development service program this morning. We met with our service coordinator, who I believe is a child development specialist, and also a child psychologist. We just talked about what Haley does and how she handles certain situations. The psychologist did some developmental testing with her, seeing how she handled objects, how she looked at things, responded to certain situations, etc. It probably seemed a lot like playing to Haley. The psychologist said that Haley did have some overall developmental delays, that she is developmentally around 9 months. Its not a huge deficit, just at the low end of average. But she did explain to me that when dealing with someone so young, a few months behind can be pretty significant, and that is why early intervention is so important. They have so many services available. They want to refer her to occupational therapy to work on her coordination skills, and have a nurse come to evaluate her vision, and play therapy, possibly speech therapy. It is all very overwhelming right now, where will I find the time to fit it into my schedule?

I know some of you may think that this is all a little overboard, why does she need all this? I think they are trying to err on the side of caution since they are seeing some delay. They want to make sure and rule out some underlying condition. Hopefully, in the end, this was all overkill and not necessary, but I would rather go overboard that sit passively and watch her fall further behind. This is all pretty stressful for me. It is hard being a nurse and having some medical knowledge. Sometimes I wish I didn't know what I know, or have seen the things that I have seen. It would be nice to be "blissfully ignorant". When they start talking about neurologists and psychologist it sends me into a tailspin of "what if" scenarios. I analyze everything she does with a fine tooth comb....is that something, what did she just do? So, even if you don't agree with what we are doing, and all of the people we are having look at her, please don't judge or criticise us. We are doing what we feel is best, and if its overkill....so what???? what will it hurt in the long run? I'm not trying to be mean by saying that, I just don't need the extra stress of worrying about what other people think.

With that said, I will of course keep you posted on whats going on. I'm really going to try not to turn this blog into "Haley's Medical Progress Blog". I want to keep it a fun and happy place!!! Thanks you everyone for all of your support.

We love you guys!!!

bitter sweet

today i am packing up all my breastfeeding supplies. i successfully breastfed for almost 11 months and had planned to go longer, but haley had other plans. the morning of january 22nd was the last time she nursed. i had no idea that would be our last time breastfeeding. had i known, i may have paid more attention to the moment. on the other hand, maybe im glad i didn't know, maybe it would have made it harder. i tried to feed her that evening and she wanted nothing to do with it, was biting, hitting, and screaming at me. i thought, fine, maybe just a nursing strike. she will be back to normal tomorrow. i kept offering and she kept refusing. i decided to pump for several days and keep offering. after a week of offering and pumping i said enough is enough, she has decided she is done.

haley is really starting to develop a sense of Independence especially with feeding. she rarely lets me spoon feed her anymore, doesnt like for you to hold her bottles. shes a big girl, she wants to do it herself!!!

its been 4 days since ive pumped, so i thought its time to pack up that damn contraption.....that ball and chain!!!!! i thought i would be excited about the end of breastfeeding. it was torture for me in the beginning. i hated it, couldnt wait for it to be over. the cracked nipples, the feeling bound to either the baby or a pump, the engorgement, the leaking, the worrying over what i ate or drank. as time went on, it got easier, less painful, and part of my everyday life. now there is a huge chunk of my life missing, it was part of my identity. now, dont get me wrong, i never planned to be one of "those moms" that breast fed a 3 year old, i just planned to do it for a few more months. i thought it would be my decision to stop, not haley's.

i will miss it, i do miss it. it was something only i could do for her. and having bigger boobs was also a nice perk to breastfeeding. :) it is nice not to have to worry about finding a spot to discretely breastfed (although i was becoming pretty good and nursing in public!) and not having to take my pump with me if i were away from her for more than 12 hours, and getting to wear normal and sexy bras again. there is a new sense of freedom.

i look back now and wish that i had at least one picture of haley while she was nursing. i always hated those pictures, thought they were creepy. but now i wish i had captured that moment in time, just for me to look at and remember what it was like. oh well, should-a could-a would-a!!!

i think if there is a next baby, i will enjoy it more. i wont have to go through that learning process, i will be a seasoned breast feeder. it may be a struggle for the next little one, but it wont be as much of a struggle for me. i know what to expect and how to do things.

anyway, i just wanted to write a little about this, to help me remember and help me move on. this is nothing like i expected to be feeling. i am happy that i was able to provide for haley as long as i was able to, i am sad to see it go, but im also excited to see her grow up!!!!

GO STEELERS!!!!!

Physical Therapy

I've been contemplating on whether to post about this or not. I finally decided that, yes, I need to talk about this. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and it does not mean that anything is "wrong" with Haley. Most of you probably know that Haley is a little on the "slow" end of development. We all kinda make light of it by saying "oh, she's just a little lazy" or "what a diva, she wants everything brought to her". In most cases, not crawling is fine, in fact some kids never do crawl, they go straight from sitting to walking. She doesn't crawl, scoot, roll, camando crawl, anything. She makes not attempts at mobility what so ever. The fact that she is totally immobile is the problem, it is not normal for a child to just sit and not attempt to move. She should be driving me absolutely insane moving around getting into things. I used to think of this as a blessing in disguise. She also doesn't stand. Whether it is on her own, or with support. Another problem.

I have been cautiously watching her for the past few months thinking she will develop at her own pace, that I can't force her to do anything. Both of which are true assumptions about child development. But my last straw came 2 weeks ago. She was sitting at this toy that her Uncle Matthew gave her for Christmas. Its one of those that is meant to grow with a child's developmental stages. You can sit and play with it, stand and play with the things on top, or cruise along the entire thing. Well, she was just sitting trying to reach the monkey that plays music and lights up (its her favorite part of the whole thing) and its about 3-4 inches out of her reach. She sat there sobbing, reaching, and rocking trying to figure out how to get to it, but she just couldn't. The frustration on her face was almost unbearable. It just broke my heart to see her struggling like that.

I talked with my friend Meredith who is a pediatric nurse practitioner and she was concerned about her, so I called and got an appointment with the pediatrician. He has always told me that she is a little on the slow end, but not to worry, it will all even out by the time she is 18 months old. I couldn't just sit and wait until she was 18 months old and see if it did in fact "even all out". I'm not blaming him at all for not showing concern earlier. He only sees her for 30 minutes at a time every three months. There is no way for him to get the whole picture of what she does on a day to day basis. He gave us a referral to a physical therapist and we went for the first time this morning.

She did really well today. She didn't mind at all letting a stranger hold her. She was just as sweet and friendly as she could be. The therapist kept commenting on how social she was. She did a full evaluation of her motor skills, and did find some problems that needed to be worked on. She will go over the results of her "report" next week, but said that she had some pretty significant delays in gross motor skills, her hip muscle tone, and some reflexes. She is also referring us to an occupational therapist to help with things like her hands grips and upper body strength. It sounds like this will be a slow process and will take some time. For this week we are to work on the very basics like rolling over and getting into a crawling stance. It just occured to me that part of the problem may be that I've been encouraging her to do more advanced things and she never mastered the basics. I have faith that she is and will be okay, she just needs a little extra help. And there is nothing wrong with asking for help when it is needed is there??!!

So, I will, as usual, keep you posted on Haley's progress.

Long Time No Blog......

Haley wants to give a shout out to her Uncle Moo who's birthday was last Friday.

Sorry its been so long since I posted, but Haley and I were traveling nomads last week!!! Haley and I went to spend some time with my friends in Columbia. Logan (Meredith's little boy) and Haley got to play together.......some. I don't think Logan was too thrilled about Haley though. He's 14 months old and I think she is a little boring for him, and he certainly didn't like her playing with his toys. The rest of the time us mean mommies drug the kids around shopping all day. I wish I had gotten more pictures of Haley and Logan, but it was hard to get a good photo-op with those two. Logan is constantly on the go and hard to keep him still long enough for a picture

Then we spent the weekend at Sugar Mountain....Brrrrrrr!!!! We had gone with the intentions of skiing, but I guess Will and I are getting too old (and cheap!) to spend $170 on lift tickets to spend the day freezing out buns off. We have turned into fair weather skiers I guess. We had a good time though just bumming around.

The Joy of Teething

Haley has been an absolute BEAST the last few days. I know, she is just too sweet to be grumpy, right??? But I think I found the culprit, she has another tooth coming in on the top left. That brings her grand total for teeth up to 5, wow....SO BIG!!!!